Commentation on My Chastity Story

It's been three weeks since I posted about one of the chastity episodes with my wife. Except for a couple of Yahoo groups, I've never told that story anywhere; I'm amazed that I still feel embarrassed about some of my kinks, even behind the anonymity of the internet, but I'm even more amazed at how interesting other people found it. I've had 1,600 hits on that post alone, and several hundred more on my old Blogger site, and over a dozen comments. Some of you left questions, and I wanted to take the opportunity to address them.

Lady Julia Says: How do you feel about this years later? Are you happy you did it? Do you have any regrets?

This took place about two years ago. Yes, we are both happy that we did this, and it led to some good - and long overdue - discussions between us about sexuality and intimacy. It was good for me to finally begin to express some of the kinkier sides of me that I repressed for the previous decade. And I think it was particularly good for my wife to allow herself some creative sex play, something that she seemed to have given up since we were married. It took me a long time to become convinced that she was enjoying herself, and not simply indulging me.

Aside from the regret that we hadn't done this years earlier, I do regret that we still had not been able to resolve some of our issues with emotional intimacy when this happened. Unfortunately, there were times when it seemed (to me) that keeping me locked up (as we called it) might have been a means for her to avoid intimacy. It really wasn't until last year that we were able to get more of a handle on the real issues. That ties into the part about my wondering if she was merely being indulgent; fortunately, we are now able to address those issues better than we had in the past.

Suzy Says: I’d have to be in the no column as well:)

Understandably so. I want to stress that my wife did not really want this to be a permanent condition; but as we began to explore, just talking about the fantasy became very hot for both of us. It was a good experience overall, though, and it allowed the both of us to examine how reality intersects with fantasy.

Russ Says: Wow… Not sure I could last 48 hours, let alone months.

A few years ago, I would have said the same thing. It's not as if I had always had this fantasy; as I explained later, it just sort of snuck up on me. To give it some perspective, I've often referred to it as "BDSM Lite" - the device became a 24/7 reminder of a change in our relationship. It's kind of like having bondage without the the overt display of collars and other equipment.

Sassy Says: Also sounds like she found her niche. Did you ever think she would come so far from where you were initially?

She did find a niche, and even now she occasionally wants me to wear the harness, even without me being locked up; she really enjoys the idea of me being aroused and frustrated. It gives her a sense of control or ownership that she finds exciting.

I don't know how far I had expected her to come. When we were dating she showed some rather overt dominant traits, which was one of the things that attracted me to her. I was, however, surprised when she admitted that she would like to try this.

diggerjones Says: So when does she apply the soldering iron to the lock to make it permenent?

As I said, we both find this to be a hot fantasy, but neither of us would want this for more than a few weeks months years at a time.

Cat Says: "she confessed that the hottest thing in the world at the moment was knowing that I was caged, frustrated, and aroused just for her." Are you kidding what woman would not find that appealing????

Cat, that's why I like you!
I've been active in several Chastity groups for some years, and I can tell you that according to the men who post, most women partners are horrified, bored, disinterested, or freaked out by the idea. I think that a lot of men approach it in a way that is probably a turn-off for them, but it's apparently not for everyone.

I saved Kimba for last...

kimba Says: Tom..? I have questions..

That's why I'm here.

Don’t you miss the feeling of your wife? Especially against your fren piercing and all?

You missed the part where I said that this happened a couple of years ago. I was describing a series of episodes that started opening up the concepts for us. It's okay; you were probably one of those who skipped the details and went straight to the hot sex part.

I am thinking now of your penis far more than I think I should..

If I had a dollar for every time I've heard that one... I'd have a dollar.

I guess this post heightens the more than just physical act of lovemaking.. Damn I am talking around in circles trying to understand the concept..

No, this is actually very insightful. When I put on the harness and make love to my wife, is it sex? Of course it is! Sex isn't just about tubes of meat - it's about the sensual and the emotional, the sights and sounds and feelings all over your body. Hell, it's not even about the orgasm; I have found that the anticipation and arousal are more enjoyable- certainly much longer lasting - than the ten seconds of fireworks. I'm not discounting those ten seconds, of course, but I have long ago learned not to make them the reason for everything that leads up to them.

Back when I was in my early 20s I used to practice yoga. I ran across Tantric and Taoist practices, and learned about the pleasure that can be had by limiting my own physical orgasms, to sublimate them, as it were, into pleasure of another sort. It's not for everybody, admittedly. But over the years I have found that I really enjoy the low-level arousal that stays with me for days at a time.

Chastity - Some Backstory, Part 1

Just what is the fascination with chastity devices and orgasm denial? In the couple of weeks past that I posted a bit about my wife and I experimenting with it, my blog hits have gone through the roof. That post has had more hits in the last two weeks than the next most popular post had in a month - and considering that the previous post had been mentioned in Sugasm, that's saying a lot.

There were some good comments on that post, too, but before I get into all that, I think this would be an appropriate time to give some background to this.

Back in the early 1990s, when the internet was still for geeks, one of my hobbies was web surfing. You know,go to a site, find a link, from there go to another site, then another, then another, until it was 1:15 am and you were a long way from where you'd started at 8:30 pm. Because I'm a normal guy, I'd look for p0rn - not so much for wank fodder, but simply because I found it enjoyable to look at attractive, leather-clad, whip-wielding Mistress types (Sorry, Bitchy, but the thigh-booted, cruel Dominatrix look is still hot, no matter what you say about it). I'd also look for stories, and more importantly, web forums where I could read about people - real people - who were exploring their BDSM-ish natures, especially since this was not an outlet easily open to me in Lower Podunk.

Anyway, in surfing one evening, I ran across a link to a fairly new site that had mostly emails from men (and some women) about chastity devices; reviews of the several devices available at the time, tips on how to make home-made devices, and tales (some true, some not) of being locked in for various periods of time. Chastity aficionados will recognize this as the inimitable Altairboy pages; perhaps the oldest, and certainly the most famous of this genre. I read the stories on that website the way one might look with fascination while passing an automobile accident. To me, it was almost beyond comprehension; I'd spent most of my adult life trying to have as much sex as possible, and here were people - mostly men, but not all - who were not only being denied, but who enjoyed it.

Weird!

After an hour or two of reading, I left the site, and didn't think much about it, until a year or so later I ran across it again. I couldn't believe that dozens of new stories had been added, plus pictures, and even more tips on modifying home-built devices. I again scanned the site, and surfed on elsewhere.

But the seed had taken root.

A few months later I was back again. And then a few weeks later. And then I'd stop by weekly to see if there were any new posts. I began to find them arousing, in fact, and read a few of them more than once.

And then, it happened. If you had told me this a couple of years previously I'd have said that you were crazy, but it happened all the same: I began to wonder how it would be to be locked into a device. I began to imagine them in my head, how they would look, how they would fit, and how I would feel with someone - one of those stern, cruel, Mistress-y types, perhaps - holding the key.

The various online fetish shops were selling items that, while not good for long-term use, were probably okay for weekend play, maybe even a week. I looked at them. And looked at them. Looked at some more. And finally, after exchanging several emails with Joel, owner of The Stockroom, I actually bought one; the style that they used to call a Stallion Guard. It looks pretty cool, but the cage was a little bulky, and did not bend into the most comfortable position for long-term wear. Also, the leather strap that encircled the balls began to stretch to the point where I had to cut new slots in it in order to keep it from slipping off. Lesson learned: "fetish" wear does not necessarily mean "comfort" wear.

By this time the CB2000 had come to the market, and after looking at pictures for several months, I began to get an idea for a device that incorporated the cage with a more comfortable design, and one that could be worn for long periods. Oh, and security would be a big issue to overcome, but since I have a machine shop to putter around in, I felt confident that I could work out the details. So, I decided to build my own.

Fetish Lore

No, this is not about the history of fetishes. I'm just taking a moment to mention that the cottage industry of kink that is otherwise known as Richard - the pansexual polyfetishist - apparently does not had enough to do with the dozen or so blogs and feed aggregates that he manages; so he has just begun a web message board:

Fetish Lore

The board is for the discussion of D/s, BDSM, kink and fetishes. He hopes to have it develop as a low-profile operation for the education of those who are new to the lifestyle, who have questions but might be embarrassed to post at some of the more heavily trafficked groups. There are discussion groups ranging from the psychology and philosophy of D/s, to practical tips on bondage, to chastity and orgasm denial, to... well, you'll just have to see for yourself. I'll be checking in regularly to answer questions on chastity and orgasm denial, and I expect that some other well-known blogsters will be dropping by, as well.

Richard and I have exchanged an email or three over the last couple of years, and I have always found him to be calm, serious, and not disposed to suffering those from the Church of the One True Way lightly. I suspect that there are a number of people who read the various blogs who have questions about these topics that won't be answered on them. Discussion boards can be a great resource for those who are looking for some education and support, and I urge anyone who might be too shy to post on the Comments sections to drop by and check things out.

My own chastity story

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