It's been three weeks since I posted about one of the chastity episodes with my wife. Except for a couple of Yahoo groups, I've never told that story anywhere; I'm amazed that I still feel embarrassed about some of my kinks, even behind the anonymity of the internet, but I'm even more amazed at how interesting other people found it. I've had 1,600 hits on that post alone, and several hundred more on my old Blogger site, and over a dozen comments. Some of you left questions, and I wanted to take the opportunity to address them.
Lady Julia Says: How do you feel about this years later? Are you happy you did it? Do you have any regrets?
This took place about two years ago. Yes, we are both happy that we did this, and it led to some good - and long overdue - discussions between us about sexuality and intimacy. It was good for me to finally begin to express some of the kinkier sides of me that I repressed for the previous decade. And I think it was particularly good for my wife to allow herself some creative sex play, something that she seemed to have given up since we were married. It took me a long time to become convinced that she was enjoying herself, and not simply indulging me.
Aside from the regret that we hadn't done this years earlier, I do regret that we still had not been able to resolve some of our issues with emotional intimacy when this happened. Unfortunately, there were times when it seemed (to me) that keeping me locked up (as we called it) might have been a means for her to avoid intimacy. It really wasn't until last year that we were able to get more of a handle on the real issues. That ties into the part about my wondering if she was merely being indulgent; fortunately, we are now able to address those issues better than we had in the past.
Suzy Says: I’d have to be in the no column as well:)
Understandably so. I want to stress that my wife did not really want this to be a permanent condition; but as we began to explore, just talking about the fantasy became very hot for both of us. It was a good experience overall, though, and it allowed the both of us to examine how reality intersects with fantasy.
Russ Says: Wow… Not sure I could last 48 hours, let alone months.
A few years ago, I would have said the same thing. It's not as if I had always had this fantasy; as I explained later, it just sort of snuck up on me. To give it some perspective, I've often referred to it as "BDSM Lite" - the device became a 24/7 reminder of a change in our relationship. It's kind of like having bondage without the the overt display of collars and other equipment.
Sassy Says: Also sounds like she found her niche. Did you ever think she would come so far from where you were initially?
She did find a niche, and even now she occasionally wants me to wear the harness, even without me being locked up; she really enjoys the idea of me being aroused and frustrated. It gives her a sense of control or ownership that she finds exciting.
I don't know how far I had expected her to come. When we were dating she showed some rather overt dominant traits, which was one of the things that attracted me to her. I was, however, surprised when she admitted that she would like to try this.
diggerjones Says: So when does she apply the soldering iron to the lock to make it permenent?
As I said, we both find this to be a hot fantasy, but neither of us would want this for more than a few
weeks monthsyears at a time.
Cat Says: "she confessed that the hottest thing in the world at the moment was knowing that I was caged, frustrated, and aroused just for her." Are you kidding what woman would not find that appealing????
Cat, that's why I like you!
I've been active in several Chastity groups for some years, and I can tell you that according to the men who post, most women partners are horrified, bored, disinterested, or freaked out by the idea. I think that a lot of men approach it in a way that is probably a turn-off for them, but it's apparently not for everyone.
I saved Kimba for last...
kimba Says: Tom..? I have questions..
That's why I'm here.
Don’t you miss the feeling of your wife? Especially against your fren piercing and all?
You missed the part where I said that this happened a couple of years ago. I was describing a series of episodes that started opening up the concepts for us. It's okay; you were probably one of those who skipped the details and went straight to the hot sex part.
I am thinking now of your penis far more than I think I should..
If I had a dollar for every time I've heard that one... I'd have a dollar.
I guess this post heightens the more than just physical act of lovemaking.. Damn I am talking around in circles trying to understand the concept..
No, this is actually very insightful. When I put on the harness and make love to my wife, is it sex? Of course it is! Sex isn't just about tubes of meat - it's about the sensual and the emotional, the sights and sounds and feelings all over your body. Hell, it's not even about the orgasm; I have found that the anticipation and arousal are more enjoyable- certainly much longer lasting - than the ten seconds of fireworks. I'm not discounting those ten seconds, of course, but I have long ago learned not to make them the reason for everything that leads up to them.
Back when I was in my early 20s I used to practice yoga. I ran across Tantric and Taoist practices, and learned about the pleasure that can be had by limiting my own physical orgasms, to sublimate them, as it were, into pleasure of another sort. It's not for everybody, admittedly. But over the years I have found that I really enjoy the low-level arousal that stays with me for days at a time.